Covid got me good

I’ve just had Covid. And like many others, the experience settled somewhere between a head cold and the flu – it wasn’t fun. And for me, what made it worse was the isolation from my family. But what was ok, was that even from my bedside, I was surrounded by love from my village, with messages, deliveries and daily check-ins. How fortunate am I? I’ve always lived by ‘kindness is king’ and always looked after people in my village and right when I needed it, it was reciprocated. Felt warm and fuzzy and I am grateful.

If you’ve had Covid, I’m not sure what your experience is like, but I wasn’t able to do anything for a week, but lie in bed and rest. Really frustrating given I’m quite active and busy. So, I escaped. Through streaming tv. And a lot of it! Specifically, I made my way through the action tv series SWAT, and have watched so much of it in fact, I believe I am now a qualified SWAT Police Officer! Ok, perhaps I got a little carried away in the escapism. But it worked a treat.

I’d love to say I’ve used this stationary time productively and have swatted up on my education, read loads of books, listened to podcasts, but unfortunately, I’ve not had the mental capacity for any of that. Shame. My ‘busy’ mind thinks that’s a wasted opportunity. My ‘be kind to myself’ mind says that’s ok, rest up, get better. But the conversation of these two minds is noisy and annoying.

So other than my new SWAT skills, I’ve been thinking about what it means to slow down. Forcibly.

How many busy working parents only stop because their body is starting to shut down and demanding a reboot and not giving them a choice about it? I’ll have a wild guess and suspect it’s quite a lot of you.

These days like many others, I need to be an organised ninja to manage the goings on of our family and work, and whilst I coach clients around achieving this, it doesn’t mean that I am able to demonstrate this every day 365 days a year. And that’s ok. Because so many times there are events (like Covid), that are beyond our control that we have to suck up and handle. These are a true test of our resilience, our grit and our attitude and instead of bypassing these gale force winds, we need to pause, think and lean into the storm, and ride it out.

That’s when you’re ‘forcibly’ in it.

But what about when you’re not?

What about when it’s ‘business as usual’ and busy, busy, busy? Life is soo busy these days and Covid generally has changed how we work, think, feel and operate in this world, which lacks control and forces us to either adapt – or not. I really think Covid has brought out the best and the worst in people if I’m really honest.

‘Managing the busy’ comes up with my clients a lot, so we get real about the pressures on them, those they put on themselves and managing expectations, and amongst much discussion, I remind them they have a choice. They have a choice on what they do, how they handle it and most importantly how to look after themselves physically, mentally and emotionally throughout.

Which brings me to the crux of this blog - Why is it that we so often put self-care last?

Are you looking after yourself? Gosh I’m sounding like your mother right now. Sorry not sorry.

Shall we get specific? Below I have included the top four areas of developing better habits in self-care that come up the most when I’m talking to clients, friends or family. They’re not exclusive but pretty common.

Taking breaks

Do you give yourself time off? Each day? Weekend? Month and year? Is it a priority or is it last minute? So many people keep working, working, working without taking time out to rest and we expect our minds and bodies to keep up with he pace – and cross when it doesn’t.

Even if you’re busy busy, you still need to take breaks regularly – build it into your day, week, weekend and month. This can take a variety of forms, on your own, with friends or with family and starts with building simple habits, which is sometimes a conscious and concerted effort to start with, but once you get used to it, it will become second nature.

Some examples may include:

· Stepping away from your desk for 5mins every hour

· Start every day with an activity – walk, jog, gym, cycle, just get moving

· When weekends come around, plan time divided into chores, alone time and family time

· Book your holidays with things you (and/or your family) love to do so you have a plan for the month or year. (With our four weeks leave a year, 2 weeks is family time, 1 week is couple time and 1 week is our own time. We have been doing this for years and for us, it works really well). A good start here is simply booking the time off and putting it in your calendar. If you go away, you can sort that later.

If initiating breaks or good habits is a challenge to you, I encourage you to look up James Clear, author of ‘Atomic Habits.’ He has some great advice in his book and his weekly newsletter to kick off good habits and break those that don’t serve you.

Night-time routine is essential

Of a night-time, are you the kind of person that gets lost in tv or whatever you’re doing on the computer and are innocently (or not) shocked when you realise how late it is?

Why do you need to get serious about your night-time routine? Because if you don’t unwind, we carry the stress of our day into bed with us. And if you don’t get a good quality sleep, then it’s tougher to handle another day in your shoes.

Some effective ways to unwind are

· Having a cut off time that’s not too late, where you stop what you doing, turn off any screens for the day and get ready for sleep

· Relax by having a bath/shower, reading, meditating, listening to calm music and/or journaling

· Lights out

Get serious about this. It’s important. It ensures you unplug from your day and get ready for your reboot. The need to have good quality sleep is no secret, yet so many of us don’t make this a priority.

Get moving

Are you sitting at your desk in front of a screen most of the day? Whilst many of us accept this as part of doing our job, it’s important to do it in a way that is conducive to us as functioning humans. When your eyes start to go blurry or your patience wears then, get up and walk about at regular intervals. Have a brain break.

Another example is to get some activity into your day – through a simple walk or taking the steps instead of the lift to the office. Being active is not only hitting the gym, it’s just moving. Are there ways where you can get some walking in? And those that say no I’m too busy then I challenge that.

Hand in hand with this is eating well. We expect SO much from our bodies that we need to provide it with the right fuel to give us energy. Now, I’m not a nutritionist or dietician, but I have read a lot in this area, dropped a lot of money on health practioners and trainers and lived a pretty healthy existence my whole life – which is a daily, purposeful (and frustrating at times) journey for me, so I know a few things about it. If you’re not sure what this would like, then have a chat to a health practioner.

Getting active and eating well is super important, make it a daily practice. Aren’t you a priority?

Boundaries

How often do you say no to something?

Do you need to assert some boundaries with friends? A family member? Or even more importantly yourself?

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them. You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with. We must own our own thoughts and clarify distorted thinking.” Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life

Boundaries is a sensitive area that comes up a lot in my conversations. It’s almost a swear word for some. And whilst it doesn’t sound right, some find it easy to endure the consequences rather than speak up and protect themselves. This in itself being a life-long companion – and not a friendly one.

Putting in the ground work to establish healthy boundaries is super important if you’re going to be the best version of yourself – which is ultimately success isn’t it? Setting healthy boundaries can have many benefits, including helping people make decisions based on what is best them, not just the people around them.

If this resonates for you, I challenge you next time when someone asks you for something – or, like me, you’re compelled to help them without them even asking – and ask yourself ‘is this something I need to say no to?’ And whilst that sounds simple, it’s often not. Don’t feel you need to explain and overexplain it either. Own your choice and know why it’s important. It’s about you.

Next! What are some of the consequences if we don’t look after ourselves?

First of all, what’s the point? We work so hard to progress our career, earn our pay check, buy a nice house or car, a holiday etc but what’s the point if we aren’t purposeful with our time and stop to enjoy it?

If we don’t and we try keep going, then we can lose our energy, have trouble sleeping, lack concentration, have less patience, reduce our effective performance at work, to name a few. And the longer we attempt to keep in this state, the worse the consequences will be.

So! back to me. 😉

I’m better now – phew! It’s taken a couple of weeks and getting stuck into my good habits again which is a challenge but they’re important to me so I’m pushing through. And I acknowledge that I’m a work in progress when it comes to self-care. I live and breathe what I coach and it’s a better, deeper, fulfilling life for me.

If you get sick with Covid or the cold and flu season as we approach winter, look after yourself – and don’t be afraid to tap into your village. Being tough and saying ‘you’re fine’ is not going to get you better, but letting yourself rest and being vulnerable, letting your village help you, will provide you with some sunshine during the rain.

Notes

My go to authors in the areas of self-care, slowing down, resilience, boundaries and sort out your habits are James Clear, Brooke McAlary, Brené Brown, Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend, Rachel Hollis and Lisa Messenger to name a few.